My late grandfather, Clifton F. Healy, drank iced coffee. Oh, he drank regular coffee, to be sure, but there was also that Mason jar of straight coffee sitting in the refrigerator, especially in the summer months. Since I didn’t like coffee, nor did I start drinking it till graduate school, it really made me no never mind one way or another. It was just one of those iconic memories of childhood: Grandpa sipping his Mason jar of iced coffee from the fridge.
Several months ago, I decided to see what Grandpa saw in that Mason jar of cold joe, so I filled a glass with coffee and sat it in the fridge. After all, I’m a pretty slow cofee drinker, and many’s the time I’ve sipped room temperature java. Later that evening, after work, I pulled the glass out and drank it.
Eaahnh, not so much. I’ll give you that it was cold. But it wasn’t coffee. Not really.
Oh, you’ll say. But that’s not the three-quarter milk, 90% sugar, with non-natural flavoring Frappacino-gooey whatsit that Starbucks serves. Maybe not. But iced coffee is just wrong. Unnatural.
And it does bad things to you.
Don’t believe me? Then read the following:
Feverish summer demand for frozen drinks in the morning gummed up lines at Starbucks Corp. last month, slowing sales and presenting a rare operational snag for the world’s largest specialty coffee retailer.
The company said Wednesday its comparable-store sales, those at stores open at least a year, rose 4 percent in July, down from 7 percent a year earlier.
Executives blamed the slide on unexpectedly high demand for Frappuccinos and other frozen blended beverages in the peak morning hours, when baristas generally crank out more hot espresso drinks.
Chief Executive Jim Donald said the company was working to solve the problem by having more baristas work the morning peak hours, among other possible changes, including reducing the time it takes to blend cold drinks.
Nevertheless, Wall Street focused on the sales dip. Starbucks shares closed at $33.30 on the Nasdaq Stock Market on Wednesday, then plunged $3.04, or 9 percent, in after-hours trading.
See? Iced coffee = bad fer sales. Takes too much time, ties up the baristas, down goes profit per customer.
C’mon folks. If’n'yooz want coffee, go fer the real stuff. Heck, for that matter, it’s a matter of manliness. Real men drink steaming hot coffee on hot days. None of this sissy stuff. Might as well put a pink umbrella in it.
Hot, steaming joe. That’s coffee.
no matter how hot it is, i will never put ice in my coffee…like you said, it just aint natshurl…
tried it one and about gagged
I’m kind of with you…the problem with simply icing coffee is that it’s often not strong enough as the ice quickly waters it down. However, have you ever tried an iced cappucinno or mocha? You basically take a double shot of espresso and pour it into a glass with a bunch of ice and some cold milk. Throw in some chocolate syrup for a mocha flavor. It’s not sweet (unless you use that nasty Hershey’s syrup) and tastes remarkably refreshing (and it’s still got a strong coffee flavor).
I like it iced. I am, it seems not a real man. Neither was your grandfather for that matter. A shame you would say such a thing!
In the summer, however, I move to espresso. Just shot it down. No steam bath to open my pores in the morning like SOME seem to desire. Hot coffee in the morning is metrosexual at best, a spa day in a mug!
Espresso is the real deal.
I am a continual coffee drinker, but have never gotten into the iced coffee thing either.
Although, I smiled at remembering my grandfather who liked iced tea with milk in it!
May their Memories be Eternal.
Amen, Clifton!
I lift heavy objects for a living. I haven’t worn a suit to work in 27 years. I have callouses in places most people don’t know they have places. I drink iced coffee. Make it strong, ice it down, put a shot of vodka and Kahlua and a couple tablespoons of cream in it and make it into a dessert. No whipped cream, THAT’S sissified. Grunt….
Oh, well, dang, Steve! If we’re adding vodka and Kahlua, that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
Ditto to the kaluah and vodka…dang…i would drink that…
even if it had whipped creame
LOL! Yep, nothing wrong with a beverage that something 80 proof can’t fix….
Iced coffee AND iced tea are just wrong, though I may be alone in my feelings about iced tea.
David obviously doesn’t live in Phoenix. Iced ANYTHING is good here.
Madness. Ice coffee is great, especially if the sugar is put in the cup before the coffee.
Iced tea will never be good. I decree it.
You’re absolutely right. Although I must admit that I only gradually developed a taste for hot black coffee after several years of the effeminate cold drinks. So they can serve a purpose. I suppose it’s a lot like becoming an Episcopalian before joining the Orthodox Church.
So, um, yeah…it is interesting to know that this subject means so much to so many people.
I met a guy from a coffee company that competes with Starbucks. He actually owns the company. Airplanes are interesting. Anyway, he says that the only reason, fantastically, that Starbucks has taken such a hold in the midwest is because of the milk and iced beverages. People don’t like strong coffee. The irony is that the iced and dairy beverages are more expensive. So, people will pay more to get a Starbucks product that is not strong coffee.
The midwest is populated by coffee wimps. That is just how it is. The news you shared is interesting, but I wonder if it will change when the weather cools off again. People will only drink more frufru cappuccino beverages.
What is it with you and that strong coffee? Your’s is an abberant caffeine gene in the midwest, C-dog.
Now, we mid-Atlantic folk are still culturally continental. We know coffee from stumpwater from slurpees. We would rather drink strong coffee or espresso. Anything else is, well, fast food. Iced coffee, on the other hand, is not a slurpee. It is strong coffee on ice with heavy cream added.
Perhaps you have not had good iced coffee. And I bet S’bucks does not make it.
Thus endeth the caffeine sermon!
Amen.
AMEN!
Faster! Louder! Where is my coffee?!!??
But just answer me this….why is it that when I drink Iced Coffee (which i like just fine) I dont feel as awake as when I drink the exact same strength (I make it myself) hot coffee?
It’s almost as if it just doesnt wake me up….but like I said same amount of freshly ground scoops.
A