Today marks the ninth anniversary of my foray into the world of blogging. I was enticed into starting a blog by the likes of Tripp, Huw, Karl and James. When I began, I had no real idea what I was doing. But in short order my blog began to reflect my explorations in philosophy and theology, and, notably, my journey into Orthodoxy. It also happened that shortly after I began blogging, my first daughter was conceived. Thus, this blog has its origins in three fundamental and key aspects of my life: my academic endeavors, my conversion to Orthodoxy and my becoming a father.
In the first couple of years, the world of Orthodox bloggers (Russian, Greek, Antiochian, convert, cradle, and mostly laity) was pretty small. I could keep up with all of them. My how things have changed. Some, like Karl, no longer blog. But now there are so many more. I don’t even try. I keep up with a few, like James’ blog, but mostly now I’m more offline than on. In the “good ol’ days” Orthodox blogging was pretty much “how do we live this thing we call the Orthodox faith?” which meant a lot of stuff about work and family, but of course, being the geeks we were (are), there was plenty of theological discussion. Nowadays, I see a lot more polemics. I don’t have time for it. I don’t have the stomach for it. I guess it’s the age we live in.
For several years, this blog reflected the core aspects of my life: academia, becoming Orthodox, fatherhood. But in the last few years, I have begun to sense something of a lack of purpose for the blog. I no longer feel the need to search out the questions I once had regarding Orthodoxy, and feel even less need to pontificate on matters Orthodox and theological. Since my chrismation four and a half years ago, I have become aware of the need for reticence about one’s spiritual life. While questions of philosophy still animate me, I am no longer part of the academic community I once worked in, and am well satisfied simply reading and reflecting on such matters. And what can I say about fatherhood? The longer I am a father, the more I am aware of the need for urgent prayer and thoughtful action. It is a mystery, and a joy, and requires nothing less than constant dependence upon God’s gracious energies.
Further, in recent months my writing focus has changed. I have, in a sense, returned to my first love–the writing of fiction. I do not yet see how to fit together this blog and my present focus of writing. I’ve got no advice to offer. I’m no literary genius. If I ever were to publish anything, it certainly would not make it to the “classics” list.
So here sits this blog. Once again dormant. And here I sit once again on the brink of nuking it, and yet once again finding myself unable to push the delete button. It’s not as though this is some sort of existential struggle. It’s a blog. Keep it. Nuke it. Whatever. And yet . . . perhaps there’s a future for it. Perhaps a little more patience will bring a little more clarity.
But I can say this, I like my little corner of the blogosphere. It doesn’t get any traffic to speak of. It’s not as though any of my posts will ever travel much beyond the orbit of a few readers (like my west coast buddy, Tripp). But it’s my homely little creation. It’s been a good nine years. We’ll see how much more life this little thing has in it. And maybe by next year I’ll have finally figured out where it goes from here.
Agreed; nice to have a blog; good that you are here. Blessings for Nativity.
Sigh. And so we all find ourselves…. wondering, “Does this really help?” about our quiet little blogs as we wonder increasingly, “Do I really have to react to this or that? How about NOT reacting?” And so it goes. Oh and I’d love to think I’m more “spiritually mature”… but wouldn’t THAT be a hoot! Nah. Afraid I can’t claim that much credit. Trying harder perhaps by trying less… but still stuck in the muck and mire.
Like the book idea, though. And what all this probably means is that whenever you do write it, it will be much more interesting for your having worked these things out of your system. Catharsis by exhaustion with a topic in its bare form may be what drives us to a better integration… in the sense that theology and philosophy in argument form are the projects of those whose understanding, deep and complex as they may be, have not (yet) integrated the material into their lives in a form that allows them to to construct a narrative exploration of greater achievement. Kind of like the difference between a plot device and a full blown narrative. Plato’s cave metaphor is the model of a bridge between these two… but may be more of a bridge abutment than the whole thing.
Guess I’ll have to think on that for a while. Silently.
Benedict,
We didn’t come out of the womb with a blog in our hands. Everyone and their brother doesn’t have to write a book or maintain a blog in their lifetime. I kept an inter-company blog for a year or two. It taught me a lot, one thing being that there are legitimate reasons for discontinuing one.
I propose that like all things it has to be laid before God so that the 2 of you can look it over and see where it fits (or doesn’t) in your life, whether it adds to or substracts from you, whether or not it is part of your repertoire for the mission God has given you.
If you do in fact decide to keep it, let me suggest a course for it. First I go back to the scene in “Find Forrester” where they’re at the typewriters and the older man says, “don’t think; just write!” I’m not telling you to put your posts out unedited, but simply to let your words flow off the keyboard unhindered in the security of your own Word doc. And then go back and read what’s on your heart. With discernment you can decide if it’s something that should go in a blog.
Secondly, you are the one that turned me on to Fr. Stephen’s blog. It’s incredible! But we don’t all have his calling or ability. I do think you could have a real niche simply sharing your journey from where you are. Mine has taken me close to canonical Orthodoxy but I’ve never entered. How has it been for you?
It shouldn’t be the polemics and theological triumphalism. You said you have no stomach for that, and I’m on the same page with you there. But it also doesn’t have to be the stumbling, overly-ignorant approach of some die-hard Evangelicals.
If you would be willing to share your life – and nothing more – simply a record of where you’re at as a father, a student, an Orthodox convert, that would speaks volumes. Your audience would be select, but that’s what you’ll find best anyway. Fr. Stephen can testify to that, I’ll wager. I understand some things will be too personal. What you can share of a living, breathing, honest person will be truly valuable. People are hungry for that kind of reality.
Today everyone tells us we must market ourselves. God says otherwise. Express fear, disgust, doubt as needed, but be willing to express yourself – with wisdom from God, doing your best to match the needs of your expression on one side and the needs of your listeners on the other.
~~~~~~~
On the other hand, this is a work, a true gift. You may not have the time/energy/grace to do this. If not, then I hope you feel blessed to go where God calls you. Your readers have been enriched by what you’ve already given.
in Christ, drew
Another option that I haven’t seen considered might be to archive what is here for the benefit of the few (like myself) who have found it to be a small oasis along the polemical path I’ve followed toward Orthodoxy from Adventism via gnosticism, wicca and “being too overwhelmed to care”. Thank you in advance for what is here irregardless of your ultimate decision on the fate o’ the blog.
I enjoyed a year off after 15… and it wasn’t deadly. I didn’t delete when I came back, but I did redirect a lot of my energies elsewhere.