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Archive for the ‘Humor, Or Laughing My Fool Head Off’ Category

Sadly, at the end of tomorrow, we’ll begin to sing the blues. So here is my homage to Beef. It’s what was for dinner.

[You'll know the tune, with sincere apologies to the Everly Brothers]

Bye, bye, beef
Bye, bye, bacon strips
Hello, veggie dogs
I think I’m gonna cry

Bye, bye, beef
Bye, bye, barbeque
Hello, ol’ tofu
I feel like I could die
Bye, bye, sirloin, goodbye

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Every Myers-Briggs I take there’s one unvarying result: I score strong in introvert. So when @celticwanderer and @anglobaptist both posted the link to this somewhat tongue-in-cheek article I felt validated after all these years. Introverts of the world, stay home!

From here:

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”

So what does one do in caring for an introvert?

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don’t say “What’s the matter?” or “Are you all right?”

Third, don’t say anything else, either.

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[Note: On his FB page, AKMA posted about his historical Jesus class, and I was prompted to pull out of the archives this little humorous piece I wrote a few years ago from the inspiration from AKMA's historical Jesus class that I took. You have to know a bit about the "quest for the historical Jesus" to have even a minimal appreciation.]

(With apologies to Depeche Mode)

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[Note: I've found several new videos of the Most Interesting Man in the World, and have updated the post and bumped it up to the front page. Enjoy!]

Police often question him, just because they find him interesting:

The above video with women in red dresses instead of white nurses uniforms:

He’s been known to cure narcoplepsy just by walking into a room:

People hang on his every word:

He wouldn’t be afraid to show his feminine side:

His reputation is expanding faster than the universe:

His personality is so magnetic he is unable to carry credit cards:

He is the life of parties he has never attended:

On drink umbrellas:

On those nuts:

On packages:

On self-defense:

On careers:

On rollerblading:

On life:

And here’s a radio ad:

Note: The Most Interesting Man in the World is Jonathon Goldsmith.

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Sorry Trader Joe’s Seafood Blend, but this will be our last night together. I’m returning to my old loves, carcinogenic Dead Cow and cancer-inducing Ex-Pig. And yes, me and Cheese will be hanging out a lot more, now. But look, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m not good for you, Seafood Blend. I’ll only break your heart. Chin up, kid. Yer the best.

Sincerely,
Carnivorous Cliff

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Irish Lent!:

An Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walked into the pub and promptly ordered three beers. The bartender raised his eyebrows, but served the man three beers, which he drank quietly at a table, alone.

The next evening the man again ordered and drank three beers at a time. Soon the entire town was whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broached the subject on behalf of the town. “I don’t mean to be prying but folks around here are wonderin why your always order three beers and drink them alone?”.

“Tis a wee bit odd I would be supposin” the man replied. “You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America and the other went to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order two extra beers, whenever we would partake, as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with his answer and with the reverence for family and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet.

Then one day the man came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender served them with a heavy heart. This continued for the rest of the evening … ordering only two beers. Word flew around the hamlet quickly. Prayers were offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender said to the man, “folks around here, me first of all, want to offer our condolences to you for the death of your brother, you know – only two beers.”

The man pondered for a moment then replied, ” You’ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent.”

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