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Archive for June 20th, 2003

The Fatherhood Chronicles IV

Last night was class two (of four) of our childbirth instruction. I swear by all that’s good: if I see another video of a live birth, I’m going to quit. I mean it.

The first night was pretty much learning about the three stages of labor: early, middle and active. In husband terms: panic, confusion, and dear-God-don’t-let-her-hit-me-again! We saw some video of live births. I winced and chewed my gum furiously.

Last night was more videos (How many women have let themselves be filmed while giving birth, anyway?! Sheesh!), but in addition to the “squeezing-a-watermelon-through-your-left-nostril”-cam shots of live births, we also got to learn about medications and medical procedures. My wife gets her choice of narcotics and a near-spinal-tap, and . . . you may have to cut where if the baby is slow in coming out?!!!

I swear to you, if I’d seen these videos in my junior high sex ed class, I would have been “scared celibate.” Monastic vocation, here I come.

But I think the videos are softening me up. The more babies I saw laid on their mother’s chest right after birth, the more I had to keep flicking away that darn dust speck that kept getting in my eyes. Yep, I’ll either pass out or be a blubbering idiot. My poor wife.

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