You Know You’re Orthodox If . . .

Memoirs of a Catechumen has a great post up (from last Nov) You know you’re Orthodox if…:

  • On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
  • You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
  • You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
  • You can sing ison to any song (and you know what an ison is… LoL).
  • Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
  • You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
  • On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the ‘next to the next to last’ syllable.
  • You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
  • You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.
  • To you, a ‘topless’ gal is one without a headscarf.
  • You get great deals on Easter candy.
  • You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax from your walls.
  • When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first instinct is to hold out your hands to get his blessing.
  • Before you pray, you say a prayer.
  • You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.
  • When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you’re Jewish. Oy!
  • You’re experienced at removing wax from clothing.
  • The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 ½ hours — and nobody around you complains.
  • You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
  • You know you’re in an Orthodox church when the priest says, “Let us complete our prayer to the Lord”, and there’s still half an hour to go.
  • At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
  • Your Easter isn’t Easter without an all-night party (featuring 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).
  • Your priest is married.
  • You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
  • You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
  • You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
  • You celebrate feast days the night before.
  • You can say “Lord have mercy” 40 times without making a mistake.

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