I have, for some time, been a vocal proponent of Orthodoxy here on this blog. Some of it was precipitated by my own working out intellectually of some of the aspects of the ancient Faith that I just had no experience or exposure to: the Father as arche of the Trinity; theosis; new forms of prayer; the proper understanding of synergism; and so forth. I have had opportunity at one message board I still frequent to defend these things I have come to understand a bit better (though perhaps not adequately and never fully).
But I find myself at a curious place. I want to talk less and less about Orthodoxy. I am strangely more oriented around day to day living: how to fast (though I do precious little of it), the proper use and practice of the Jesus prayer, the integration of prayer in every aspect of my life from work to parenting to my marriage. I would rather listen to online exchanges than engage in one. And I want to do that less and less. I would rather do a lot more listening to Ancient Faith Radio and Our Life in Christ. And even more than that, I would rather simply sit in Church and look at the iconostasis and the candle on the altar.
Don’t misunderstand. This is not some ego-elevating confession of a new mystical bent. I remember with some chagrin the days when I would have labelled myself a mystic (a la Evelyn Underhill). After all, the externals of my prayer life are far wimpier than they were earlier this year. I’m not doing a lot of “spiritual reading.” You won’t see me wax eloquent on Interior Castle. No, it’s really much less glorious or romantic than that. I’d just rather shut up.
In part that’s why I’ve not done a lot of blogging of late. Oh, sure, I’m busier than crap right now, and that’s a lot of the reason why. But even in those odd moments when I sit down at the Chattablogs MT blogging page, there’s just nothing to come out. I have no energy or desire to say much. I’m happy to pass on things such as the frivolities that make me laugh, other articles or posts that catch my attention and such. But I don’t have anything else really to say.
I don’t know what, if anything, that means. Nor do I necessarily think it’s a significant development. It is what it is. And there it is.
New developments may unloose my tongue–er keyboard. So those of you who might welcome a bit more verbosity on my part, hang in there. To the rest of you, in the words of Depeche Mode, “enjoy the silence.”