Your Own Historical Jesus

[Note: On his FB page, AKMA posted about his historical Jesus class, and I was prompted to pull out of the archives this little humorous piece I wrote a few years ago from the inspiration from AKMA’s historical Jesus class that I took. You have to know a bit about the “quest for the historical Jesus” to have even a minimal appreciation.]

(With apologies to Depeche Mode)

Historical Jesus

Refrain:
Your own historical Jesus
No one to hear your prayers
No one who cares
Your own historical Jesus
No one to hear your prayers
No one is there

Jewish unknown?
Jesus Seminar clone?
Flesh and bone?
Is Schweitzer alone?
Is Crossan a deceiver?
Funk‘ll make you a believer

Gnostic Thomas is best
Put Q to the test
Mark‘s second best
Nothing to confess
Jesus won’t deliver
You know he’s no forgiver

Reach out and vote pink
Reach out and vote pink

Your own historical Jesus

Jewish unknown?
Jesus Seminar clone?
Flesh and bone?
Is Schweitzer alone?
Is Crossan a deceiver?
Funk‘ll make you a believer

Jesus won’t deliver
You know he’s no forgiver

Reach out and vote pink

Your own historical Jesus

Reach out and vote pink

8 thoughts on “Your Own Historical Jesus

  1. Oh man–given how much heat I took from the alpha males at All Saints for my professed love of Depeche Mode, they should all be directed to this! Clearly only a top shelf fan of Dave Gahan’s crooning and heroin O.D.’s could ever produce a farce this fine.

    Man, I’m going to have this stuck in my head all day…

  2. I can’t wait until the next talent show at one of our parishes. I’m breaking out the Les Paul and Twin Reverb and doing this.
    It’s as funny this time as it was the first. Thanks for the redux.

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